When women make the paradigm shift to female-centered sex from male-centered sex, nine out of ten are adamant in their determination not to revert back. They want their continued physical and emotional sexual satiation and not the faux sexual satisfaction they willed themselves with intercourse. They want the extraordinary sexual adventures and phenomenal health benefits extended cunnilingus allows. Why then, don’t all women make the shift? What is it that stands in the way of their supreme sexual expression? If you haven’t made the shift, why haven’t you? Tell us in the comment section below. Next week, I’ll reveal what women have had to say.
If you’re a woman who is dissatisfied with your sex life, you’re not alone. Seventy-five percent of women think male-centered sex (intercourse) leaves much to be desired, and many feel used. They tell me they’re tired of being treated as a sperm depository, and being left feeling empty and unfulfilled. They know something is wrong, but they don’t know what, so many of them go looking elsewhere for their sexual satisfaction. Society leaves them little choice.
The problem is, of course, multifaceted; but, the main reason for our sexual discontentment is our lack of knowledge of our natural sexuality. Most women have no idea that their sex drive is a powerful instinctual drive, not for reproduction as society would have them believe, but for orgasm. We’re highly sexual beings, driven unconsciously by the urge to be physically and emotional sexually satiated; yet, society makes us ashamed, and we feel guilty, if we attempt to answer that natural instinct.
Our orgasms are the essence of our sexuality; yet most women have no concept of their orgasmic potential. They have no idea of their orgasmic capabilities, or what their orgasms can bring to them and their partners and their relationships. Do you?
Are your orgasms a natural part of you? Do you feel they bring you complete physical and emotional satiation? Are you aware of their benefits? Won’t you take a minute and tell others what you feel? Knowledge is indeed power; so write a comment, and share your knowledge to help others understand.
In my last post, I told you that ninety-eight percent of women couldn’t accurately define their orgasms. Although all women could describe their orgasms, some in exquisite detail, most thought it was a physical phenomenon that resulted from some form of physical stimulation, while a small percentage, twenty-two percent, thought it was a reflex, similar to that of male ejaculation. Only two percent correctly identified their orgasms as perceptions.
To maintain control of our sexuality, society, especially the Fucksters, emphasizes the physicality of our sexual expressions knowing that they have little to do with our orgasmic potential. Our orgasms stem, not from physical stimulation, but from our mental perception. This simple discrepancy spells the difference between our sexual dissatisfaction and our true sexual satiation and fulfillment. It keeps us off-balance and constantly seeking what we feel is missing in our sexual encounters by pursuing the physical in lieu of the emotional.
Once women learn that there is only one form of orgasm, and that it’s a distinct mental perception, their orgasms shift from the classic male-defined mysterious, elusive, unpredictable and meaningless to a free-flowing orgasmic nirvana. Your orgasms are the essence of your sexuality; they’re your birthright, and your path to sexual satiation and fulfillment. All you need do is to reclaim them. So, what’s holding you back? Want to know more about your orgasms? Just leave a Yes or pose a specific question and we can go from there.
For a woman to make the shift from the male sex paradigm to the female sex paradigm is an exciting time, but a time of uncertainty. The women I talk with speak often of a wave of apprehension when they contemplate leaving the comfortable for the unknown. Deep down, they are discontent with male-centered sex; some are genuinely unhappy, but they all want a change. But, change can be frightening, especially when it seems so foreign. For a woman to feel she deserves to be sexually satiated stirs emotions of guilt and selfishness. It raises the specter of narcissism and causes hesitation and self-doubt. But, isn’t this what society has bred into us for millennia? And, isn’t it time for us to shed the yoke?
The women who have made the paradigm shift to female-centered sex have found not only the sexual satiation that is their birthright, but also the freedom to be themselves, no longer defined in relation to their husbands and children. They flourish in the light of self-determination. Isn’t it time you made the change?
I adore being a woman, don’t you? Life is wonderful now that I fully understand my natural sexuality and have complete control over its expression. I am now, as I was always meant to be, truly free to seek my sexual satiation in the way I desire, and not the way others expect or command. The memories of all those years of sexual subservience, frustration, and lack of fulfillment have faded into oblivion and ecstasy is mine for the choosing. Yet, I am saddened by the overwhelming number of women who are deprived of the knowledge of their natural sexuality and the beauty of female-centered sex. It’s a game society and religion play to keep us in our place, submissive and sexually available on man’s terms.
If you are one of the few women who are satisfied and content with your sex life under the male-sex paradigm, you are blessed; but, if you are one of the many who are dissatisfied and discontent, you have the opportunity to make a significant change, just as I and hundreds of other women have done—demand your rightful autonomy and pleasure, and make the paradigm shift. You have no master—you answer only to yourself. Exert yourself and disregard society’s coercive efforts to keep you pinned to your vaginal destiny. Enter the realm of the female sex paradigm.
Last night, enthralled by the anticipation of the ecstasy I was about to dive head-long into, I thought of the plight of so many other women who never get to experience the joy of their natural sexuality—so many of them trapped in the invisible cage of male domination, genuflecting at the altar of the almighty phallus. Not wanting to cloud my arousal, my mind raced to find an explanation. Why? Why are so many women deprived of their sexual pleasure?
Could it be, I wondered, because men fear us? If so, what do we have that is so intimidating that we have to be subjugated, manipulated, and controlled to the point of self-denial? As I began my journey to my “other world,” the thought flashed across my eyes—sex, our sexual prowess, our sexual powers—that’s what men fear. As I floated in a sea of ecstasy, orgasm after orgasm, the thoughts faded. Perhaps another day. Yes, another day would be appropriate to tackle man’s fear of woman’s sexuality. Time now for sleep. Isn’t sexual satiation wonderful?
What’s the difference between sexual satisfaction and sexual satiation? It’s a question many women ask when they make the paradigm shift to female-centered sex. To Marci, it was the difference between night and day.
Forty-six years ago Mary Jane Sherfey, a brilliant psychiatrist devoted to studying woman’s sexuality, told us that in reality, women are dissatisfied with sex, but that they will themselves to feel satisfied. She said that was what was expected of them and so they capitulated. They were unaware of their orgasmic potential and the fulfillment their orgasms would bring, so they settled for mundane sex, claiming satisfaction when it didn’t exist.
Marci had been there. If asked, she would say that she was satisfied with her sex life, with an occasional orgasm, with male-centered sex, but that she felt somehow incomplete, like something was missing from the encounters. What was missing, she found later, was bliss, the ecstasy of a flood of orgasms that female-centered sex provided—the physical and emotional satiation that yielded deep contentment and a feeling of fulfillment.
Sherfey was correct, given the opportunity to express their innate sexuality, women would see through the falsity of sexual satisfaction and demand their rightful sexual satiation. Women are, Sherfey said, truly orgasmically insatiable. Marci and thousands of other women attest to that. What about you?
Sexual autonomy is, for most of us, nothing more than a dream. We have been programmed to accept our sexual fate, our vaginal destiny, and we acquiesce. But, after years of sexual subservience, I asked myself, “Why?” Why am I depriving myself of what I knew was my birthright—sexual satiation? It didn’t make sense. Men invariably savor the pleasure of sex in their ejaculations and orgasm, but not so with women. We have this awesome capacity for multiple orgasms; yet, we consider ourselves fortunate if we can find one orgasm in the mix. I rarely orgasmed with “traditional” sex. But, I labored on, the good woman, the dutiful wife, as do most of us, until I figured that I deserved my sexual gratification and fulfillment, and I was determined to have it.
Sexual autonomy became my rallying cry. Freedom. Freedom to do what I wanted and needed. Freedom to reject outright that which I didn’t want or need. It was all about freedom, not equality, as is so often preached. I didn’t want to be equal. I didn’t want sex like a man. I didn’t want to be a man; I wanted to be me, to be free to express myself as I truly felt. Free to experience the ecstasy of sexual satiation. No longer was I willing to accept mediocre, penetrative, male-centered sex as my sine qua non. No, not for me, no longer.
Sexual autonomy, for us, means experimentation. Once a woman makes her decision to be free to express her innate sexuality, to experience the beauty and serenity of her orgasms to the point of physical and emotional satiation, she needs to find the path that leads her to the “other world.” And, that path varies, for we are all different. But, there is a common path, a path that shifts our focus from penetrative sex to non-penetrative sex, from intercourse to cunnilingus, from an occasional orgasm to multiple orgasms, from a feeling that something is missing to a feeling of fulfillment. That is the path that each of us must find for ourselves.
Yesterday, we talked about taking the initial steps to reclaim a woman’s sexual autonomy. Once she has acknowledged her innate sexuality, and realized that her orgasms are her pathway to fulfillment and health, she still faces another, seemingly insurmountable, obstacle—her partner’s receptivity.
I was fortunate in that my husband, although reluctant, had the receptivity needed to at least try to follow through with a paradigm shift and provide me with true fulfillment; but, in our experience, most men lack the receptivity a woman requires to reclaim her sexual autonomy.
Many women have told me that once they understood the nature of their sexuality and the need for daily, multiple orgasms, their partner’s refused to alter their typical sexual encounters to accommodate the women’s desires. The almost universal response of these men was “What’s the matter, don’t you like the way we ‘re doing it? I like it and there’s no need for change.” These men had little receptivity to change, and cared nothing for their partner’s fulfillment. What’s a woman to do when faced with this unenviable situation?
Decide what is more important to her, keeping peace in the relationship and settling for mediocre sex at best, or demanding her rightful sexual gratification, with the physical and emotional fulfillment it brings, and the many health benefits that accrue
If the choice is the latter, be steadfast in her commitment to change
What it boils done to is choice. What society has effectively curtailed is a woman’s choice, especially as related to her sexual autonomy. I wanted that choice. I wanted the freedom to decide the who, what, where, and when of sex. If you already have that choice, you are in an enviable relationship; if not, and you desire change, then go for it.
In a later post, we’ll examine the parameters of that decision.
When thinking about how they reclaimed their sexual autonomy, most women say the most formidable obstacle they faced was overcoming the feeling of guilt. Women are so programmed to be subservient, to sacrifice their needs, wants, and desires for the good of others that they find it difficult to shift the focus to themselves. And, when they manage to make that shift, unless they brim over with self-confidence, they tend to languish in self-doubt, and that can be a crippling emotion. I know that feeling, because I experienced it when I made the paradigm shift from male-centered to female-centered sex. But with steadfast resolve, women can, and do, overcome the self-sacrifice mantra society has ingrained in them. It’s not easy, but it’s doable—if it’s desired. How so?
The two most common questions women face when shifting the emphasis to themselves are:
Am I deserving of such pleasure
Am I being selfish in wanting sexual satiation
When I talk with women initially about these feelings, almost without exception, they say they are probably selfish in wanting their orgasms and sexual satiation and don’t deserve that degree of pleasure. They say that their partners’ pleasure and gratification should be paramount. How can they overcome this obstacle?
Acknowledge that they are sexual beings, born with the innate drive to orgasm, and that this drive requires fulfillment, not only for its physical and emotional pleasure, but also for the myriad health benefits it yields that enhance and prolong their lives
Acknowledge that they are entitled to and deserving of as much sexual pleasure as their partners
Jettison any lingering feelings of guilt or selfishness—they exist only in their minds and are not justified
Where do you fit in the picture? Tomorrow, we’ll look at what happens next.