Comprehending Sexual Arousal

Woman's sexual arousal is distinctly different from that of man. We are rarely confused about man's desire and arousal, because his desire for sex arises from a belief, and his erection signals his arousal. Like his ejaculation and orgasm, his desire and arousal usually occur together in an integrated way.

With us, the situation is more complicated. Arousal, for us, usually precedes desire, whereas for man, it is the opposite. We can demonstrate the physiologic signs of arousal, such as vaginal swelling and lubrication, yet experience no sexual excitement or desire mentally or subjectively. Similarly, we can be highly aroused sexually in the absence of any physiologic stimulation. In fact, we can arouse ourselves to orgasm without any physical excitation. These variations are all normal, as we use our minds to govern our bodies. If the proper sexual receptivity is present, we will activate our full sexual prowess; if not, no arousal will appear.

When we fail to recognize our power of psychic control over our sexual arousal and orgasm, we often run into problems, problems seized on by the medical community and labeled as disorders. The gurus in white say that if we have a persistent or recurrent inability to attain, or to maintain, an adequate vaginal lubrication-swelling response of sexual excitement until completion of the sexual activity, we are abnormal. Granted, we may have great difficulty becoming aroused or we may have difficulty staying aroused or maintaining our focus long enough to reach orgasm, but this is no disorder - it is perfectly normal. We need a certain degree of sexual receptivity to activate our physiologic mechanisms, and if it is absent, no arousal will occur. This is not a disorder, but a natural and normal mental process.

The medicos, however, call this sexual arousal disorder and tell us that if this condition persists, it can lead to problems with sexual desire, since the sex act eventually becomes a source of frustration rather than one of pleasure. But, like good physicians, they pat us on the head and say they know we are frustrated and that with a good sexual medicine expert and some patience, we will reach a satisfying resolution to the problem. Where have we heard this story before?

Do not be taken in by this rhetoric. Know your body and that you have complete control over its activation. If the circumstances are not right, if the degree of sexual receptivity you demand is not present, then you will not become aroused. Absent organic disease, you are normal. We discuss the arousal mechanism in detail in our upcoming book on woman's sexuality due out in mid 2009.

As with all our topics, we encourage you to contribute your thoughts by adding them to an appropriate Forum discussion or asking us personally.