The Nature of Sexual Desire

If we were to select one area in which we have been subjected to such diverse discourse concerning our sexuality, it would be the subject of our sexual desire. Do we have it? Should we have it? How should we express it?

If we are to understand the nature of such a profound feeling as sexual desire, especially in the face of such varied opinions (primarily of men), it is imperative that we recognize and acknowledge its goal. Once we comprehend the essence of our desire, we can reclaim our sexual autonomy.

Among the questions that we should ask are: Why do we have sexual desire? From where did it come? What are its roots?

Unfortunately, as is so typical of attempts to control our sexuality, the answers we are given are based entirely on the male sex paradigm; omitting from discussion the female sex standard.

Many in the scientific community would have us believe that our sexual desire is a biologic need on par with hunger or thirst and as such is identical to that of men. Others maintain that it is simply a need for sexual fulfillment, pleasure, and sexual gratification. Still others claim that sexual desire is the driving force that enables us to reproduce.

All of these claims are wrong. Each of them attempts to reduce our sexual desire to biologic determinism. We were given a strong sense of desire for sex for an explicit reason.

Sexual desire is an essential psychologic mechanism that we developed throughout evolutionary history to counteract the disequilibrium, the sense of psychic imbalance, of human experience. It is the need for males to seek and females to render transformation via sexual interconnection. Its goal is psychic transformation.

Despite rhetoric to the contrary, the nature of our sexual desire is diametrically opposite that of man’s.

Man’s sexual desire is typically omnipresent, ready to spring into action at the slightest hint of a sexual encounter. His desire is, for all practical purposes, an automatic response, requiring nothing more than suggestion. His goal is sexual gratification, most typically, self-gratification and his thoughts generally are of pleasure rather than intimacy and relationship. Significantly, man’s sexual desire precedes any physical sexual interaction.

In contrast, our sexual desire lies deep within our souls; slumbering, awaiting an awakening that requires a specific degree of commitment and psychic receptivity on behalf of our partner. It is anything but automatic. Our goal is intimacy, relationship, and ultimately, transformation of our lover. Our thoughts too are of pleasure, but in a different context—we relish pleasure, not so much for itself, but for the transformation it brings to our partner. Most importantly, our sexual desire hardly ever precedes sexual interaction, but occurs primarily during sexual interaction.

Even though we are indoctrinated to believe differently, the two are simply not comparable and until sexologists, researchers, physicians, and therapists acknowledge such, we will be forced to continue to endure their ignorance and suffer the consequences.

Of course, the medical profession leaps into the fray to continue to control our sexuality by pronouncing that we suffer too often from a lack of sexual desire, pushing us not so subtlety to question our motivation as well as our psychologic health.

The fact that so many of us voice dissatisfaction with our sex lives and express little desire for sex has been, and continues to be, used against us in a concerted effort to compel us to embrace the male sex paradigm.

Sadly, there has been no attempt to comprehend the differences between the two forms of sexual desire. It simply is inconceivable that we have different feelings and emotions from men when it comes to sexual conduct. Either we express our sexual desire as a man would or we are declared dysfunctional. We are obligated to perform within a sexual realm defined entirely by men.

How many of us fight the daily pangs of guilt, frustration, and depression over our sexual lives? How many of us suffer the delusion that we are somehow maladjusted because we lack the male interpretation of sexual desire? As women, we have been led to believe that if we do not desire sexual intercourse as frequently as men, there must be something wrong with us, we are abnormal.

Once again, the male sex paradigm haunts our sexuality and demands our performance. To be judged normal, we must adhere to some preordained male fantasy of our sexual being. We must, in order to avoid being labeled abnormal, express outwardly a sexual desire that we do not embrace inwardly.

How much longer do we have to bear the misconceptions forced upon us by the male sex paradigm?

No longer!

If we are to awaken our feminine destiny, we must search out the truth for ourselves, as it is obvious that, over the past 4,000 years, men have, for the most part, denied us the truth, especially when it concerns our bodies and our sexual being.

The important point for us to consider is that for most of us, our current understanding of our sexual desire is based entirely on interpretations emanating from the male-dominated sex establishment and is predicated upon the male sex paradigm. When we grasp the fact that our sexual desire is actually inhibited by this paradigm, we can begin to understand why we experience such dissatisfaction sexually.

Being misled into following the male sex paradigm exclusively deprives us of our sexual autonomy. It strains our perception and tears at the fabric of our being, yet we continue on, searching unconsciously for the missing component of our desire. This psychic imbalance, the inability to judge effectively our partner’s commitment and psychic receptivity while engaging in sexual intercourse, creates a current of discontent swirling through our subconscious mind—the ultimate cause of our decreasing sexual desire.

As women, we are complex beings. We differ greatly from men and even between ourselves when it comes to feeling and experiencing sexual desire. If we are to comprehend the true nature of our sexual desire, we must appreciate the role of the female sex standard.

With the female sex standard, our sexual desire takes on a persona of its own. But, it is essential for you to realize that our sexual desire is not as it is portrayed to be; unlike the male, it typically does not precede arousal. The linear model of the sexual response predicated on the work of Masters and Johnson is clearly and simply wrong. For most of us, arousal is essential to building our desire.

However, as is so often the case with the female sex standard, we may have little or no desire to engage in a sexual encounter at the precise moment of initiation; but, as our minds probe the depths of our lover’s commitment seeking the psychic receptivity that is required for male transformation, we find ourselves rising to a high state of sexual arousal. That arousal epitomizes our acceptance of the depth of our partner’s commitment and stimulates within us our desire for continuance. It is the nature of our sexual desire to appear only after commitment and receptivity are verified; without this assurance, desire remains elusive.

It is important for you to recognize that your sexual desire requires cultivation, nurturing, and appropriate relationship. If any one of the ingredients is absent or weak, your desire fails to emerge. Without the verifiable commitment and receptivity of your partner, your natural and normal response is to withhold desire.

Without sexual desire, too many of us are coerced into accepting mediocre sex; but sadly, too few of us are motivated to seek change—we simply consent to a level of dissatisfaction that we do not need to accept. We placidly acquiesce believing we are fulfilling our conjugal duties and, therefore, place unnecessary limitations on our passions and desires; we abandon our essential role of male transformation. But, this can change if you are willing to change it.

So, relax and enjoy life and remember that you are completely, one-hundred percent normal if you go about your daily routine without so much as a hint of sexual desire; it will present itself to you when the circumstances are right for you. Also, if you do not experience the strong tug of desire while in the throes of arousal, there is nothing wrong with you physically, emotionally, or psychologically; you just haven’t found the depth of commitment you seek from your partner.

By bringing the female sex standard back into your life and by asserting your sexual autonomy, you will fulfill your most intimate desires and you will awaken your feminine destiny.