The G Spot

Have you noticed that the G spot, like Freud’s vaginal orgasm, keeps popping into and out of vogue depending on the latest contention published? Like the proverbial carrousel, we go round and round—the G spot is real, a wondrous plum; no the G spot is a myth, it does not exist. Which is it? Too many of us are in the dark; we simply do not know the answer. And, it is precisely this obfuscatory mechanism that continues to wreak havoc in the psyches of so many of us. It sets us against one another, a battle between those who vociferously proclaim they have a G spot and those who say they do not. It creates a rift between us, challenging our perceptions, questioning our sexual adequacy, and damaging our self-esteem. It robs us of our sexual prowess and deflects our thinking, keeping us in a state of unknowingness and de facto sexual servitude.

Too many women in our workshops voice their despair over the G spot. Where is it? Why cannot they find it? These women have obviously heard of it, read about the wondrous, mind-blowing orgasms they can have, but feel somehow deprived. Like a kid with a metal detector, they continue to search for the buried treasure, a cache that represents their orgasmic nirvana, not knowing that it may not exist; but the search is never-ending because they covet, albeit unconsciously, their orgasmic bliss.

The sad part of this for me is to listen to their concern and see the loss of their self-esteem as it surfaces in their comments. “I feel so inadequate sexually”, “I have this feeling of somehow being incomplete, that there must be something wrong with me”, “He tries so hard to satisfy me, but it just isn’t there”, and “I’m afraid that I’m just not put together right”. For these women, their fears are heart wrenching, but unnecessary and self-inflicted. Unmercifully, they assail their failure to find sexual fulfillment from their vaginas. 

The argument over the G spot is both frustrating and irritating to me, for it shows we are not listening; the controllers of our sexuality continue to play us like a piano, to shape our sexual behavior with their misrepresentation, distortions, and lies, forcing us to dance to their tune rather than follow our personal desires. If we are to make decisions in our own best interest, we need facts, not myths; we need truths, not distortions. Consequently, let us take a brief look at the controversy, with the caveat that I offer it merely as a way to give you information so that you can make an informed decision and exercise your sexual autonomy, but not to suggest, in any way, how a woman should act or what she should believe—these are her choices alone. So, if you are interested, read on and evaluate what I have to say. Take what you believe to be accurate and discard that which you feel is not. And, if you disagree, voice your opinion for all to hear (see below).

The Problem of Definition

It is a well-known axiom that power lies in the hands of those who make the definitions (over the past 6,000 years it has been men defining women and their sexuality), as they control the argument. Nevertheless, in the case of the G spot, I cannot place the power to define entirely in the minds of man, for women also have contributed greatly to the confusion. And, in my opinion, it is the definition of the G spot that causes the often-venomous discord. Therefore, let us look at the definition of the G spot.

The G Spot is not a Separate Entity Located in the Vagina

The first claim to debunk is that a G spot is some magical button located in our vaginas. It is irrevocably not.

Supporters give Dr. Gräfenberg credit for discovering such a spot, but unfortunately, for their contention, he did nothing of the sort. What he described (rediscovered) was our paraurethral sponge, an organ overlying the vagina and not some erotic tissue inside the vagina. If interested and I trust you are, since you are reading this, you can decide for yourself by scrutinizing his original article at http://doctorg.com/Grafenberg.htm.

OK, so he did not describe a spot of orgasmic bliss in our vaginas, but in fairness, that does not preclude its existence—maybe he was too interested in getting his patients off than scientifically proving its location nestled in our pussies. So, let us look at the actual data gathered since his blockbuster discovery (incidentally ignored for over 30 years by the medical and scientific community—no interest in our sexual satisfaction?) Given the intense scrutiny placed on our vaginas over the past half-century, coupled with the inordinate push for the G spot, you would imagine that if it existed, as a separate anatomic entity within the vagina, science would answer all the questions and we would not be discussing this today.

So, what does science have to tell us about an intravaginal spot of ecstasy? Despite all the gyrations and contentions, our vaginas do not contain any additional tissues other than our vaginal mucosa and supporting tissues, nothing new or extraordinary and certainly no separate gland, organ, tissue, or anything remotely identified as a separate spot. Moreover, during this time of extensive investigation, no surgeon has seen it, no anatomist has described or dissected it, no histologist has classified its cellular structure, no neurologist has traced its nerve pathways, and no pathologist has noted it.  So, let us lay this false contention to rest—there is no G spot in our vaginas.

Proponents have simply distorted Dr. Gräfenberg’s work to fit their agenda. Why?

It seems we were wandering away from fucking, expressing our disenchantment with sex, and searching to find our innate sexuality in other ways. In survey after survey, our discontentment with intercourse rocketed upwards as we voiced our opinions that sex as scripted (coitus as center stage; our copulatory mandate) is not what we want, not what we need, and not what represents our ultimate sexual expression. We inherently feel our orgasms are the key to our sexuality and our transcendental purpose, yet we cannot find them reliably. This innate subconscious drive for orgasmic release and fulfillment (the ancient drives for male transformation and female confirmation), lays dormant in our minds, fomenting our sexual disquietude. Consequently, our quest, being continuous, is easy to exploit. So, the G spot has became political, the symbolic tour de force of penetration. The white-coated gurus figure that as long as we are orgasmic deplete, we will do almost anything to fill the void. How astute and generous of them.

The Duality of Sensual Feelings

Here, we face the crux of the problem—us, women. The ancient adage of divide and conquer is nowhere more applicable than the G spot. There are, indisputably, those of us who experience wondrous sensations when an area about 2 inches inside our vaginas is stimulated, while there are those who have nothing remotely resembling such euphoria. Stoking the fire and contributing to resentment are those of us who have the orgasms associated with massaging this area who maintain that to deny the existence of such is an effort to deprive them of their freedom of sexual expression and constitutes a denigration of their orgasmic potential. This assertion is not only wrong, but also dangerous, as it impacts heavily on those of us who do not have such feelings, thereby creating a serious dilemma—why do not we have this, are we somehow sexually deficient—improperly formed, anatomic misfits, sexually inadequate creatures (as many women feel).

Since we can unequivocally state that there is no G spot inside our vaginas, there must be another explanation. We are in a quandary and need to explain the dichotomy. Each of these women knows their bodies and their feelings—they know what they are talking about and we need to listen intently.

The G Spot is not a Spot, but a Sponge

Since both sets of us accurately describe our feelings, there must be an explanation and fortunately, for us, there is and it embraces our paraurethral sponge. Our ancestral mothers and sisters knew of and used this particular part of their clitoral complex to assess the worthiness of any potential sperm donor (mate assessment), to modify man’s behavior (transformation), and to revitalize their vital life force through sex with other women (confirmation). The sponge, when appropriately aroused, yields orgasmic nirvana as it consists of highly erotic, erectile, vascular and nervous tissue, intertwined with numerous glands (Skene’s or paraurethral) encircling the urethra. (Some authorities refer to the sponge as the “female prostate”, a term I do not favor since it classifies our anatomy on the basis of the male rather than on our own.) When the sponge is stimulated properly, it swells, becomes erect, ready to ejaculate (think of the process of penile erection and ejaculation).

Sponge Erection

The erection of our paraurethral sponge is the key to understanding the dichotomy. We are told by the aficionados that our glans clitoris, when highly aroused, undergoes erection, but they conveniently neglect to advise us that our entire clitoral complex pumps up within us, giving us that breathtaking experience that may allow us to express our sexuality through sequential orgasms and ejaculations.

Nevertheless, if we are to understand our sexual aptitude, we need to know that our sponge erections vary, not only between women, but also within woman herself depending on the situation and type and quality of stimulation at the time. This normal erection variance is paramount to understanding why some of us feel the sensations and others do not.

Erection Variance

The basic reason why we find some of us panting and shouting the G spot is real, while others say it is nonsense, is the degree to which our sponge expands. Remember the location of your sponge—surrounding your urethra and lying between your glans clitoris and your introitus (entrance to your vagina, see http://www.esybron.org/index.phtml?p=locations). It is this position, coupled with the degree of erection that yields the answer to the dichotomy.

If we are to understand our sexual potential, we need to know that we each have a paraurethral sponge; it is a normal part of our sexual anatomy. We also need to realize that, when aroused sufficiently, our sponge engorges and becomes erect. Now, for the essence—some of us undergo an erection so large that it presses down on our vagina, producing a bulge that protrudes into the vaginal canal, susceptible to stimulation with fingers, a penis, or a dildo. This protuberance, an enlarged paraurethral sponge, is the so-called G spot. In actuality, it is simply the indirect stimulation of the sponge through the vaginal wall.

How many of us experience this degree of sponge-vaginal erection? In our experience, in working with thousands of women, a little more than one in four reports they have a “G spot”.  (We will post actual percentages later in the cumulative data section) It is highly important for us to recognize that for those who do not believe they have this degree of erection, they are completely normal—that both sets fall within normal anatomic variance. Like men who are fascinated by their penis size, there are big ones, medium ones, and small ones, but all are normal—for the owner. There simply is no normal-abnormal in sponge erection.

The Multiplicity of Sponge Sensations

Now that we know the G spot is in reality an engorged paraurethral sponge and understand that its variance is responsible for the vaginal tumescence, it is important for us to examine the various degrees of sensuality produced by its stimulation. Again, we turn to those among us who have said they have sufficient engorgement to feel the intravaginal sensations. And, again, their diversity is remarkable—the ecstasy of some, the ambivalence of others, and the dislike of the remainder. Only a small percentage of these women say this form of stimulation is extremely erotic or very pleasant—they experience the ecstasy of orgasm with indirect sponge stimulation either digitally or while copulating. Others cite their perception as acceptable, but not particularly arousing or orgasmic, while over half say it is unpleasant, irritating, or painful. (Actual percentages to be posted later)

Therefore, we can with a high degree of accuracy, know that having a “G spot” does not necessarily translate into sexual bliss—that many of us do not particularly care for its stimulation. Once again, we can say that this diverse perception is completely within the normal range of our innate sexuality.

The Bottom Line

If you have sufficient sponge engorgement and enjoy it, go for it. If not, no loss—there is nothing wrong with you or your body—just do not fall for the proposition that you should continue searching for what is not there (the objective of the controllers).  Forget the self-incrimination, the loss of self-esteem, or the questioning of your sexual adequacy just because you do not have that bump programmed in your anatomy. Anatomy is not your destiny. Remember you are a woman, a precious and unique individual, one who is sexually autonomous and proactive and needs no person telling her how she should behave and what she should believe. So, where does this leave us?

 Call it what you will, the G spot, the enhancement button, the paraurethral sponge, it makes little difference, if you understand your anatomy and sexuality. You will know and appreciate our differences as women and understand that regardless of the variations, we are all normal. We do not need to be pitted one against the other, but rather to join in embracing our marvelous sexual diversity. It is within us, an intimate part of our sexuality to explore, experiment, and find what it is we prefer—it is our birthright, to rejoice in our womanhood, embrace our personal female sexual expression, and think about reclaiming our feminine destiny and reaffirming the female sex paradigm. Notwithstanding our anatomic and perceptual differences, we are woman and damn proud of it.

Epilogue

I leave you with a provocative thought. As an intimate part of your clitoral complex, your paraurethral sponge is wired for multiple orgasm and ejaculation and designed for transformation and confirmation. You do not need a “G spot” to embrace its essence. Although stimulating it indirectly through your vaginal wall, if you experience the protuberance, may be delicious or not, why use contortions when its ecstasy is in the forefront? Why not strive for the ultimate and stimulate your sponge directly, rather than trying to do so through your vagina. A warm, moist tongue works miracles on your sponge (beware of direct digital stimulation as the tissue bruises easily). By having your partner lick, gently suck, and caress your sponge directly, you will experience the euphoria of sequential orgasms and the rapture of ejaculation. Our lesbian sisters have known this since the beginning of time.

Invitation

If you are so inclined, please add your voice in the G spot forum or contribute your thoughts and comments in a note Contact Us.